Entering motherhood is an experience you can never understand until you’re in it. When you’re pregnant, you buy all the cute baby clothes and imagine rocking your sweet newborn in the perfectly decorated nursery. You know it’s going to be hard, but you’re so excited to have that sweet baby in your arms (and you should be)!
Of course, you have all your family and friends who are already parents giving you ALL the advice, and they all conflict with each other. Some tell you to keep your baby in your room the first year, others say they should be in their own room the first night home from the hospital. You’re already realizing everyone parents differently and all that advice is overwhelming.
Out of everything all my family, friends, coworkers, strangers in the elevator told me, there’s a few things I wish I would have been told instead.
1. Take everyone’s advice with a grain of salt
I did actually hear this one, but I wish I heard it more. With everyone giving you advice, it is hard to not be discouraged or second guess your decisions. I seriously struggled with this the first six months after having my son. I felt like EVERYONE was telling me what I needed to be doing as a mom (and still do). Being a mom requires some thick skin and it may take time to build some resilience to everyone’s opinion over your parenting. You are the best mom for your baby and you need to own that with every ounce of willpower you have.
2. Allow your plans to change as your life changes
I read book after book after book on newborns, parenting, and sleep training. I thought I had it all figured out. I know how I wanted my labor to go and my exact plans once we brought our son home. After having an emergency c-section and living on 6 hours of sleep over 4 days, all of that went out the window. All of those books are wonderful concepts, but babies aren’t one size fits all. You’re learning a whole new person and are at their mercy. While you decided what works for you, it might not work best for your baby. You’re going to need to adjust your expectations to your newborn’s needs.
3. Accept all the help you can get
I was sorting through some unresolved issues when my son was born and struggled accepting help from anyone. I had this assumption that the title “mom” came with doing everything on your own. In my mind, accepting help was a sign of defeat. If this sounds anything like your mindset, please dig down deep to figure out why you think this way.
Accepting help is a form of self care. When you get the opportunity to take some time for yourself, please take it. Let that friend stop by to hold your baby for half an hour while you shower. I promise your friends and family do not mind one bit snuggling your precious baby while you slip away for a break, and taking that break does not make you a bad mom. It makes you a better mom.
4. Count your blessings, not your troubles
Newborn life is hard and anyone that tells you differently is lying. Again, you’re learning an entire new human that doesn’t even know themselves. You might be also dealing with colic, food sensitivities, and any other host of medical issues. If you got to bring your baby home, count your blessings.
I didn’t realize how lucky I was to come with my healthy newborn until I had friends and coworkers have to leave their babies in the hospital once they were discharged. You know things can go wrong and your baby may need extra care, but you never expect it to actually happen with your baby. I can’t imagine having to walk out of that hospital empty handed and have visiting hours for the baby that was just inside of you a few days ago. In some cases, parents spend months visiting their babies every day instead of having them at home. If you went through this with your baby, my heart truly goes out to you. You went through an earth shattering experience through your baby’s first days and should allow yourself to grieve the experience of bringing your baby home that you didn’t have.
5. Get help if you need it
I heard of postpartum depression and anxiety when I was pregnant, but I got asked about it once at my 6-week checkup. I’m not going to get into the lack of postpartum care in this post, but it is truly a shame that after giving birth we typically have ONE follow up appointment where they tell us we’re good to have sex again and prescribe some form birth control.
If you’re having more bad thoughts than good, seek out help. If you’re constantly anxious and aren’t even sleeping when you’re able to, seek out help. If you’re thinking about talking to someone, you should do it. Your body just went through a traumatic experience and it’s no surprise your hormones may not level out on their own. It is essential for your health and well-being to see a therapist.
6. Soak in every minute
People do tend to tell you this, but I definitely forgot it when I was in the moment. The newborn phase is exhausting, but it’s short. Snuggle that new baby, let the laundry overflow and the house clutter. You’re allowed to not worry about anything else about that baby for a few weeks.
Above all else, do what’s best for you and your baby. Was there any unsolicited advice you received that drove you crazy? Let me know in the comments!
